wedding
jokes
if you have any wedding jokes and would like to share with us, please email us.
marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
what's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
about 30 pounds.
at the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
the other replied, "yes, i am, i married the wrong man."
how many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
we don't know - it's never happened.
what is the only time a man will think about a candlelight dinner?
when the power goes off.
what do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?
his wife is good at picking out clothes.
the honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
a little boy asked his father, "daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
and the father replied, "i don't know, son, i'm still paying for it."
grooms, once you get married remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always remember to get the last two words in: "yes dear"
married life is very frustrating. in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. in the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. in the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
when a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
a little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "mommy, why does the girl wear white?" his mom replies, "the bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." the boys thinks about this, and then says, "well then, why is the boy wearing black..."
wife: do you want dinner? husband: sure, what are my choices? wife: yes and no.
why does the bride always wear white?
because it's always good for the dishwasher to match the fridge and stove.
a little boy was in a relative's wedding. as he was coming down the aisle
he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between
bride's side and groom's side). while facing the crowd, he would put his
hands
up like claws and roar...
so it went, step, step, roar, step, step, roar all the way down the aisle.
as you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the
time he reached the pulpit. the little boy, however, was getting more and
more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time
he
reached the pulpit.
when asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said,
"i was being the ring bear...."
getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. you
order
what you want,then when you see what the other person has, you wish you
had ordered that.
after a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "you know, i was a fool when
i
married you." she replied, "yes, dear, but i was in love and
didn't notice."
a lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds"husband wanted". next
day she
received a hundred letters. they all said the same thing"you can have mine."
the bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "i've found
a
man just like father!" her mother replied, "so what do you want from
me,
sympathy?"
when a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let
her
keep him.
eighty percent of married men cheat in america. the rest cheat in europe.
man is incomplete until he is married. then he is finished.
young son - is it true, dad, i heard that in some parts of africa a man
doesn't
know his wife until he marries her?
dad - that happens in every country, son.
a woman was telling her friend, "it is i who made my husband a millionaire."
"and what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. the woman
replied, "a billionaire."
"the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get
to
prove it."
marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. second marriage
is the
triumph of hope over experience.
if you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word
you
say, talk in your sleep.
just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had
no faults at all.
you know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with
the boys on wednesday nights, and so does she.
during a heated spat over finances the husband said, "well, if you'd learn
to
cook and were willing to clean this place, we could fire the maid."
the wife,
fuming, shotback, "oh yeah??? well, if you'd learn how to make love,
we
could fire the chauffeur and the gardener."
personally, i think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as
both
husband and father, i can say anything i want to around the house.
of course,
no one pays the least bit of attention.
according to the latest surveys, when making love, most married men
fantasize that their wives aren't fantasizing.
how do most men define marriage? a very expensive way to get our
laundry
done free.
the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
words to live by - do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
what is the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? about 40lbs.
what's the difference between a husband and a boyfriend? about 45
minutes.
marriage is an institution where two people come together to joint solve
the problems they never had before they got married
the three ring joke: did you know that every wedding involves three rings. before the wedding, there's the engagement ring. at the wedding, there's the wedding ring. ten years after the wedding, then comes the suffer-ring.
in the first year after a marriage, the husband talks and the wife listens. in the second year after a marriage, the wife talks and the husband listens. in the third year after a marriage, they both talk and the neighbors listen.
When I married MR. RIGHT, I didn't know his first name was ALWAYS!